The Pink Panther
Review by Larry Stanley

**
Steve Martin, Beyoncé Knowles, Jean Reno, Kevin Kline, Jason Statham, Emily Mortimer

Probably everyone knows my feelings about remakes and Pink Panther does little to dispel that normal disappointment. Yes, there were a couple of laughs in the film. But when I say 'a couple' I am talking about one or two.
The film is very loosely based on the classic film from 1963 with Peter Sellers and David Niven, about the hunt for an elusive jewel thief known only as "The Phantom". If you have not seen the original, you owe it to yourself to go and find it.
And if or if not you really like the new version will depend on if or if not you like the original and your ability to put up with the crappy soundtrack. I am sorry, but I am sick of hip-hop and top40 "music" in movies today.
Here, the Pink Panther is a huge, ugly looking diamond ring on the hand of soccer coach Statham who is murdered in front of thousands at a match and seen before millions on TV, and the diamond is stolen from him.
Kevin Kline plays Chief Inspector Dreyfus and does probably a worse job of a French accent the Martin does, occasionally drifting into a slight British accent hopefully unintentionally.
Dreyfus wants to solve the crime himself, so he assigns the worse detective in France to the case, Clouseau. And Martin hams it up like a pig in a wallow, using all his comic wit and facial expressions to the max.
Truth be told, if there had not been an original, this would have been a great movie and a great role for Martin. He could be Inspector Clouseau, if not for Peter Sellers carving a solid character out of granite and fixing it in the viewers mind.
Also, without Jean Reno this film would have been utter crap. He is the French John Wayne and able to play almost any role handed to him. His ability and talent are worth far more then was displayed in this film.
As I said, the plot centers on a murder and theft and that is what is looked at throughout the film. Clouseau bumbles his way through clue after clue making himself a hero and Dreyfus the buffoon at every turn.
Knowles plays Statham's girl friend and sexual eye-candy for both Clouseau and the viewer. At least she is supposed to be the sexual eye-candy. For me, I found Nicole (Emily Mortimer) much more attractive and Nicole has legs that go all the way up. I am talking first class legs.
Anyway… Beyoncé is supposed to be all broken up over the death of her lover, but wastes no time in trying to seduce Clouseau which leads to one of the best scenes in the film.
The other scene involves British Agent 006 (one step away from the big time) and this one almost made me drop my drink.
If you've seen the trailers, you already know most of the other 'funny' stuff. And that is pretty much the film, except for the fact that they did not screw with the Pink Panther theme until the end credits when they had to have the "Malibu remix" which I think was a complete waste of time.
My biggest fear is that this thing will make enough money to warrant a sequel, thus continuing the Hollywood system of not trying to find something new, or at least something different. I am sick of remakes.
And this summer is going to see several, starting with of all things, Miami Vice. Lord save us all.