Ultraviolet

Review by Larry Stanley

How do you write Negative Stars?

With: Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund

Years ago, I got into a situation in which I was forced to jump out of my step-sisters car while it was still moving. She was doing about 25 to 30 mph when I opened the door and not much slower by the time I rolled into the pavement.

I would up with a few broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and needed stitches on both my leg and my arm.

And I would rather do that again then set through this movie.

I love Milla however you spell her last name. I thought she was excellent in Fifth Element. And her fanny here is wonderful to watch.

However, this god-awful film that clouds over anything that might possibly be good obscures her fanny. The first part of the movie is nothing more then a video-game while the second part is simply crappy special effects with a lot of jumping around.

We are dropped into the middle of a war between the humans and the 'blood-mages' who just happen to be Vampires. However, we are not really clear on that for a while into the movie.

Why not just say, "A war between humanity and vampires,” Compared to this, Underworld: Evolution was The Maltese Falcon and Aeon Flux was Gone With the Wind.

Sweet Lord of the Cinema let "V" get here soon. And may the Celluloid Gods smile on us and it not suck.

Amen.