Why should I try to write a creative review when the writer of the film didn't try to write a creative movie?
I went to my handy Thesaurus to look up words that could be used in place of 'crap'; balderdash, blather, bunkum, claptrap, drivel, garbage, idiocy, nonsense, piffle, poppycock, rigmarole, rubbish, tomfoolery, trash, twaddle. Informal: tommyrot. Slang: applesauce, baloney, bilge, bull, bunk, hooey, malarkey.
"When a Stranger Calls" should be in this list.
Another remake of a pretty good film, this tells the story of a young babysitter who keeps getting strange and ominous phone calls asking, "Have you checked the children?" only to find that the phone calls are coming from inside the house. The rest of the film is nothing more then her trying to escape from the insane killer.
I learned all of this from the commercials, ads and trailers. So don't waste you money. You want horror? Go to the local gas station and watch the price of gas go up.
You want suspense? Watch an episode of Three's Company and wonder how Jack is going to get in trouble this time.
Jill is pert, cute and sickeningly attractive. Just the kind of kid you hoped would get killed or at least notice you, when you were in high school. She has just caught her boyfriend kissing her best friend and now is fighting/talking with him.
To the point that she has gone 800 minutes over her allotment on her cell phone calling plan. So, her parents, in a rare display of parental responsibility, are making her work to earn the money to pay it off.
I think this is a great idea, and more parents should do it.
But, taking your teenage daughter up to the Overlook Hotel, miles away from anyone else, to a strangers house, someone you as a parent have never met… and then just letting her climb out of the car without even trying to meet the people whose house she is going into??
What is wrong with you dad? Crazy?
And Jill's best friends excuse for snogging Jill's honey? "You know what tequila does to me." Let this be a lesson to you kids. Get drunk; be in a really bad movie.
So, here is poor Jill forced to work instead of going to the big bonfire with the rest of her friends. Gosh, I wonder about all the other kids who have to work instead of going to the fun stuff?
Think they will ever do a movie about them? Most likely not.
See, no one cares if the poorer, less attractive teens get killed.
Like I said, why should I try to be creative?
I saw this crap on Friday, almost a week ago and I forgot to write the review. I Forgot that was how memorable this waste of time was.
Trying to make fun of this film would be a good review. It would also be a further waste of time, as the movie already makes fun of itself unintentionally. The entire film is nothing more then a set up for a second part. If you ever saw the first film, you know what part 2 will be.
If you have not seen the original, go rent it. It has an excellent Carol Kane in it as Jill. The first part of the film (the original) is excellent, the last part is great, but you could almost skip the middle.
Still in all, it is better then the remake.
Personally, I am glad to see Jake Wall writing. If he could get a job writing this, then there is still a chance for me to see a script someday.
As for our 'leading lady', Camilla Belle. Babe, you are very attractive and everyone who saw the film knows it. But it takes more then that to be a 'star'. You might be an actress, but you have a long way to go before you are star and one way to do it might be to learn to act like you are scared during a scary movie.
Let her be a role model for all aspiring actresses. Don't take Seconal before your scenes.
As to the film industry, you are tanked. Hollywood is out of ideas. Know how I can tell? "Miami Vice", coming to a theater in a few months.
What is next? "Three's Company"? "Mr. Ed"?
How about "My Mother the Car"?
There are simply few really decent horror movies coming out anymore from the Hollywood brain trust. "Saw" was good. So was… uhm… Well..
Ok, fine. "Saw" was good; it was from Hollywood. It was reasonably original. Outside of that, the only really suspenseful or horror films are coming from Europe and Asia with a sprinkling from Australia.
But American theaters are afraid to carry them, since so many Americans can't speak Australian, or read subtitles for European or Asian films.
Pity.
So, we are stuck with crap like this while good films like "High Tension", "Versus", "Gojira: Fainaru uôzu", "Alive" never make it to American big screens or last about a week and then are gone.
Hollywood, make action films or classy films with an artistic flare about wealthy families at the turn of the eighteenth century, like "Little Women" or adapt the works of Emily Dickenson.
Leave horror to the people who can make it, and make it well.
God, save us from another one like this.