** (It would have been a lot better with Zombies)

Director: Wolfgang Peterson
Cast: Josh Lucas, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum, and Kurt Russell
Screenplay: Mark Protosevich (from the novel by Paul Gallico)
MPAA Classification: PG-13, but on the Larry-o-meter it would be fine for a kid 12 or older; even a mature 11.

Way back in the old days of the horse drawn carriage, we had a film out in theaters called "The Poseidon Adventure." Hollywood legend and disaster film master Irwin Allen, directed this film telling the story of the old liner, the Poseidon, on her final voyage before being retired.
She is struck by a massive wave, capsizing the ship and pretty much wiping out anyone's idea of a Happy New Year.
While the original film lacked the computer graphics we have today it did offer something that has almost been tossed to the wayside now. That is, people who can actually ACT and not just pretty faces and stern jaws.
The original had Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine the new one has Josh Lucas and Mike Vogel. I will have to say the addition of Kurt Russell was the saving grace for casting of males here. He still looks like a hero, and no matter what else he does I still see a cross between Elvis and Snake Plissken. The man can act.
But, where they also had actual actresses, women who really knew how to act and not just look pretty with millions of gallons of water streaming over them creating a wet t-shirt fantasy, Jacinda Barrett, Emmy Rossum and Mía Maestro looked great, I have to admit. And of the three I think Maestro did the best job.
She was nothing short of amazing in her scenes with Dreyfus.
I could go on and on about the differences between this and the original. In fact, I just might.
Yes the special effects look a lot better here then they did in 1972. But in gaining that 'look' I think they lost some of the heart and pain that made the original a four time Oscar winner. Yes, Four Times.
And that was when Movies were made for entertainment, not their social or political value.
Ok, Wolfgang Peterson had delved into the ocean once before, with Das Boot only this time the cast is not of the quality he had then or the story as original. Poseidon is a $160 wet dream for Peterson, in more ways then one. Will it make money? It stand a good chance to, it has lots of explosions, plenty of dead bodies, we get to see women's underwear for the little boys and spoiled teen-agers for the older kids to relate to.
But, it does have some stuff going against it. People who saw and remember the original will leave this one shaking their heads and tell their friends to 'Go see Hoot.'
Next, I think people are getting tired of remakes. I think they are sick of the same Hollywood pabulum that is being foisted off on the viewing public in place of quality films.
Poseidon has little to do with the original except it concerns a big ship, a bigger wave, lots of dead people and it is survivors.
Outside of that, go rent the DVD of The Poseidon Adventure.
Actually, the film reminds me more of Titanic then it does the other Poseidon.
While neither film could be considered a 'feel good' movie by any standard, at least the original Irwin Allen film and Titanic had a believable romance and a chance to see Rose McGowan nearly naked.
Even the opening scenes were common; in a movie like this, I expect Busby Berkeley spectaculars. I want dancing girls and tuxedoed men moving around trying to make deals.
Instead, we get a ballroom lobby, watching as the camera is moving to each standard character and their mediocre personal issues. When the wave hits the ship and turns the massive ship on its side we suddenly realize that this is the group that will be instrumental in our dose of entertainment.
A sexist bully named Larry (!!!); a spoiled little rich girl, Jennifer Ramsey and her Studley handsome boyfriend Christian; her father, the former Mayor of New York, Robert Ramsey, professional gamble and ladies man Dylan Johns, illegal alien (Hispanic, from London trying to sneak into the U.S. to see her brother who is sick…. Now if that ain't political I will eat chocolate) Elena Gonzalez; single mom Maggie and her son Connor and architect Richard Nelson, escaping from a failed relationship all traveling to New York and on the ship for one reason or another.
The only real problem is, Who Cares? None of them were really interesting outside of Robert Ramsey and Elena.
Yes, they were both of the 'pretty face' school but in different classes. While Russell as Ramsey displayed the same talent and ability that has made him a star, along with his somewhat rugged looks, Maestro as Elena is from the newer class, looking hot and sexy while trying to life a mass of steel and iron off someone or eating a carrot stick. God, she looked good in this film.
The rest of the cast was standard Neo-Hollywood cookie cutter images for a new world. The handsome and charming gambler who looks out for himself but realizes that other people can depend on him, the smarmy jerk, the spoiled child, pretty boyfriend, single mom and Dear God obnoxious child.
The gambler, Dylan Johns (Josh Lucas) is planning his own escape after the ship is capsized when Connor (Jimmy Bennett) starts asking him all sorts of questions. Instead of lying to the brat, Johns tells him his plan. Connor immediately runs to tell mom who joins the party, soon followed by Robert (Kurt Russell) who needs to go find Jennifer (Emmy Rossum) and Christian (Mike Vogel) not knowing that the two of them have already met Elena (Mia Maestro) along Richard Dreyfus who after a rash decision to kill himself suddenly wants to live.
Once they are all together, they begin their perilous journey through the lower portion of the ship to get out leaving the other survivors huddled in the temporary sanctuary of the lobby.
From there the real journey begins, with each of the suspenseful moments a massive hit and miss situation, with each scene fraught with danger from the rising water level. Each floor has it's own hazards and dangers, each one seemingly more deadly then the one before it.
One scene that was suspenseful was created in a vertical ventilation shaft with a steel grill blocking any escape. Climbing over one another, Connor uses a Silver cross to unscrew the bolts holding it in place.
While this scene was dramatic, and even edge of the seat in some places, I didn't believe it. I just don't think a kid could have had the strength to unscrew that thing.
Frankly, the most exciting part of that was the feeling of claustrophobia that the scene portrayed.
Another excellent scene was the crossing between decks on a fallen piece of metal. One of the characters is about halfway across when the unexpected suddenly occurs. It was tragic, but at the same time it was somewhat funny.
But then, I am demented.
The last really good scene is when Kurt Russell and Robert Ramsey tells Maggie James "It's Ok. I used to be a Fireman." And if you don't know why that is such a great line, hie thee to a video store and stock up on Kurt's films.
Yes, some of them make it. Some of them don't. I bet you have a pretty good idea of who comes out and who won't. You are probably about half right. But that does not mean this is a good movie or even a well-done film. It is just another 'Pretty Face' action film and I think it is the first big budget disappointment of the season.

The following is a Joke. It is not found in the film, anywhere.
And the Marie Celeste rescued them all. It is a joke; go look it up. It didn't happen in the movie.

And now, the political question of the day…
The following will contain spoilers. I repeat, the following will contain spoilers. If you do not wish to know specific facts about the film, please go to a place of safety now. You will be exposed to spoilers.
Go at once to your local spoiler defense facility and remain there until the all clear is sounded.

Fine, they gone? Great.

Richard Dreyfus plays Richard Nelson a middle-aged man who has just broken up with his long time lover. Now, this is sad and it is probably justifiable reasoning for some stuff he tries to do.
However, Hollywood in its attempt to make certain it appeases all the Politically Correct wardens bent over backward to prove two things.
Nelson is homosexual.
Homosexuals are just like everyone else when the chips are down.
I got no problem with either one of these items. My question is, was Nelson's sexual preference germane to the plot or story line of the film? The answer is "No".
It was pointed out as a political expediency designed to bring in a positive sign from the liberal, left hand side of the board. And it is a nice gimmick. Even if the film sinks like the ship of the title, people will still comment on how good it was because it had a gay man who worked to survive and even help others.
The point is, they could have left his sexual preference unmentioned and still had a good character. Make him a milksop whose wife left him for someone more 'manly'. Let him talk about his lover "Val"; ambiguous, no definitive gender. It would have left some people pondering the possibility which I think would have made for a better statement then the exclamatory "HE left me," "HE never wanted to hurt me." "HE didn't have last minute business."
Outside of political correctness, there was no need for this in the script. And no, this is not homophobia. It is simply a question, "Do we want movies that are entertainment or movies that are politically correct statements?"
I prefer entertainment. And I can still learn from them.