I have often been asked to post a Star system for films, with * being a bad movie and **** being a truly great film.
"Date Movie" ranks a -*
Now most people who read any of my previous reviews with her in them know I love Alyson Hannigan; but does she really need the money this bad? "Date Movie" is an insult to spoof films, date movies and 'chick flicks' that should be removed from theaters, burned and the writer never allowed to work in film again.
Thus ends the editorial, now for the review.
You know, back in the old days when I was dating after dinner and before I took her back home in the carriage, we used to love to go out and beat the snot out of a homeless man and steal his money. Oh, what fun. It sure turned us on, lemme tell you.
Well, it worked for our stars in "Date Movie".
This film is not funny, which is its first curse. Its second curse is that it can't figure out just what it wants to do.
It says that it wants to spoof the 'date movie' genre; instead it jumps from film to film in a tasteless vignette of clashing scenes that gives the viewer a headache and actually induces physical illness at times.
Yes, they did attempt to spoof date movies. They touched on Meeting the Parents, Meeting the Fockers, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Shallow Hal, and Bridget Jones Diary, among others.
Had they stayed with one film, it could have been funny. Had they simply written an original film, spoofing this genre, it could have been funny.
Sure, Eddie Griffin can be funny. I really liked him in the Deuce Bigalow films. And yes, I liked the first one. The second one was not that good. Still, it was "Gone With the Wind" next to this piece of crap.
Eddie is Alyson's father, a black/Greek/Jew who wants his daughter to marry the handyman Nicky. However, Alyson's mother, who is Middle Eastern Indian and her sister who is Japanese also want her to find a man who fits their ethnic background.
Once more, up steps Nicky. A black/Greek/Jewish/Middle Eastern/Japanese guy who just happens to work for them.
Now, this could have been funny. Had they made Nicky the ultimate love interest, and had him enter her Julia's (Hannigan) life, then make these discoveries, it could have at least generated a smile.
Instead, they go the route of having Julia (who is covered in a massive fat suit) do a bawdy hip-hop dance number, causing suicides, car wrecks and stampedes of men running from her.
She goes to Hitch (Tony Cox) who has a business card reading "If Your Alone, Hitch Will Help You Get Boned." Truly funny.
He takes her to a chop shop run by a bunch of ghetto guys who proceed to pimp her up so she can get on this TV show to meet a man.
As if the film could not degenerate any further, it does.
At one point, Griffin and the new boyfriends father play basketball.
Mr. Fonckyerdoder (Willard) is even harrier then the 40 Year Old Virgin. As Franks mouth scraps off a line of body hair and sweat then begins to puke it back up, I almost puked out my popcorn. And that would have been funnier then what was on the screen.
This film is a waste of time, celluloid and Alyson Hannigan's talent. I hope you never see it, and I hope if you do you are able to purge the images from your mind.
You know, maybe it is time I give my lecture on how to do a spoof film again.